Sunday, July 29, 2007

New Hurricane Naming Scheme Proposed

I propose a new naming scheme for hurricanes (because our current naming scheme is boring).

We should start naming hurricanes after movies. This would allow for some really cool things to happen. For example, imagine a hurricane named Hurricane "Caddyshack".

As the hurricane forms, builds, and approaches the coast, the stars of "Caddyshack" could be interviewed. "Bill Murray, where do you think 'Caddyshack' will make landfall?" "Chevy Chase, what kind of damage can we expect from winds gusting to 125 mph?" "Rodney Dangerfield, why doesn't Hurricane 'Caddyshack' get any respect?" Etc.

Whenever satellite pictures or radar images of Hurricane "Caddyshack" are shown on TV, clips or images from "Caddyshack" could be shown as well. Imagine a picture of Bill Murray in a goofy getup from "Caddyshack" superimposed on the satellite image of a fearsome category 5 storm. People will be calmed by the juxtaposition of the fun/happy/familiar and the awesome power of nature.

Commercials could be made warning locals of the approaching storm. These commercials would mostly consist of clips from "Caddyshack" that ended with an "oh by the way Hurricane 'Caddyshack' is on the way and you should prepare for it".

Whenever and wherever Hurricane "Caddyshack" makes landfall, guess what would be on TV? That's right, "Caddyshack" (with a small radar insert). Also, guess who would be reporting on the storm from locations near the landfall? That's right, the stars of "Caddyshack" in character! "Carl Spackler, what do you think of the storm?" "Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former tropical storm, now, about to become the most destructive storm in US history!" And he could say: "This grass is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff. I think it will stand up to this storm. This storm is nutin'!"

Also, if your house is destroyed by a hurricane under this naming scheme, you could say something like: "My house was destroyed by 'Caddyshack'. I hate that movie so much!" And, nobody would blame you for saying that about such a great movie.

After the storm passes, Bill Murray and Chevy Chase could tour damaged areas and try to cheer people up.

This is clearly one of the most awesome ideas I've ever had! Woot!

1 comment:

Matt said...

I think we should name Hurricanes after my ex-girlfriends. That way, there couldn't be any more than 3 hurricanes in a season. Come June or so the hurricane would be like "Hey! I'm here, let's do this" and the people on the Official Council of Naming Hurricanes would be like "sorry, no names left -- you're going to have come back next year" and then the hurricane will say "but El Nino sent me!" and the OCNH will be like "Tell El Nino that, like El Guapo, he isn't welcome."

Having a plethora of names is a bad idea.