Saturday, July 21, 2007

San Antonio Now Seattle of the South

With all the rain we've been getting lately, I say we start calling San Antonio the Seattle of the South.

We'll just need to add a few things to San Antonio in order to make the new designation more exact:

  1. We'll need a chain of snooty coffee shops with headquarters here.
  2. We'll need more open water in and around town. I say we replace the South and East Sides with big holes that we fill with water. We'll move the displaced people to Poteet.
  3. We'll need a fish market, someplace you can go and have people throw catfish at you.
  4. We'll need a large tech company to make their home here.
  5. We already have the Hemisphere Tower. So, there is no need to build a Space Needle knockoff.
  6. We need a Boeing clone, maybe a company that builds submarines.
  7. Seattle has Mount Rainier. So, I propose we build a mountain out of trash and debris. Further, I propose we build it on top of Castle Hills (nobody will miss it). We'll accept the garbage from the rest of Texas for as long as it takes to build a 12k foot plus mountain. We'll name it Mount Fearsome and it will be awesome! We'll model it on K2.
  8. In case the rain doesn't continue at its current pace, I think we should install the World's largest sprinkler system. Huge sprinkler heads would be placed all around town in a grid-like pattern. Whenever we need rain to maintain the illusion of being the Seattle of the South, the Mayor can just hit a button and rain will fall!
I should be elected Mayor on the above platform alone!


Sara said...

I know Seattle. And San Antonio is no Seattle!

greg_lange said...

True. However, with the minor modifications described in the blog post it can be!