Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Save the Internet!

I'm taking a break from my normal blogging to pass on this important message:

Friday, November 16, 2007

Whatever It Takes

I'm proud to announce that my new personal motto is "Whatever It Takes". This replaces my old personal motto, "Leave Me Alone or I'll Knock You Down".

What does "Whatever It Takes" mean to me? Well, suppose I have a goal, any old goal. "Whatever It Takes" means I'll do anything that proves necessary in order to complete that goal. So, suppose my goal is a peanut butter sandwich. I'd do any of the following if need be in order to get a peanut butter sandwich:
  1. Tear the heads off 1,000 baby chickens.
  2. Blow up an entire planet.
  3. Wear a tie-dyed shirt.
  4. Shave my head and paint it blue.
  5. Dance with bears.
  6. Learn Haskell.
  7. Chop down a redwood with a butter knife.
  8. Learn to juggle 4 balls at once.
  9. Stop playing foosball forever.
  10. Play dead for 7 hours.
You might ask me to describe the situations in which I'd have to do each of 1-10 above in order to obtain a peanut butter the sandwich. If you do that, you're missing the point. "Whatever It Takes" isn't about specifics. It's about getting things done no matter the challenges that stand in the way.

So, in short, world, get out of my way or I'll do whatever it takes to remove you as an obstacle.

Monday, November 5, 2007

Nancy Grace Gives Birth to Twins

She gave birth 2 months early and I hope everything is ok both with Nancy and her two babies. However, this is clearly a sign of the end of times. We either have 30, 60, or 90 days left. After that, it's bye bye cold, cruel world! Use the short time you have left to make things right with the people around you.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

The Top Fifty Songs of the Moment

At this exact moment there are no better songs known to mankind than these:
  1. Alice Deejay -- Better Off Alone
  2. Appliance -- Pacifica
  3. Autamata -- Jellyman
  4. Barrage -- Until We Meet Again
  5. Belly -- Gepetto
  6. Ben Harper -- Burn One Down
  7. Bjork -- Atlantic
  8. Blind Melon -- No Rain
  9. The Breeders -- Divine Hammer
  10. Cake -- Short Skirt/Long Jacket
  11. Camera Obscura -- Shine Like a New Pin
  12. The Candy Skins -- Wembley
  13. Catie Curtis -- Strange
  14. Cornershop -- Brim Full of Asha
  15. Cynthia Basinet -- Santa Baby
  16. Dandy Warhols -- Bohemian Like You
  17. Darude -- Sandstorm
  18. David Bowie -- Miracle Goodnight
  19. Death Cab for Cutie -- Marching Bands of Manhattan
  20. Ditty Bops -- Angel With an Attitude
  21. Don McLean -- Castles in the Air
  22. Echo and the Bunnymen -- In the Margins
  23. Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians -- Circle
  24. Emmylou Harris -- Waltz Across Texas Tonight
  25. Filter -- Take My Picture
  26. Giorgio Morder -- The Chase
  27. Hem -- Half Acre
  28. Kate Bush -- Brazil
  29. The Killers -- All These Things That I've Done
  30. Liz Phair -- Whip Smart
  31. Louise Goffin -- Sometimes a Circle
  32. Matthew Sweet -- Girlfriend
  33. Mazzy Star -- Into Dust
  34. MC Chris -- Fett's Vette
  35. Paul Oakenfold -- Starry Eyed Surprise
  36. Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel -- Late in the Evening
  37. The Postal Service -- We Will Become Silhouettes
  38. RJD2 -- GhostWriter
  39. Sarah McLachlan -- Vox
  40. Sarah Vaughan -- Somewhere Over the Rainbow
  41. The Secret Machines -- Nowhere Again
  42. Snow Patrol -- Run
  43. Supergrass -- Tales of Endurance
  44. Suzanne Vega -- Blood Makes Noise
  45. Talking Heads -- Wild Wild Life
  46. The Be Good Tanyas -- Light Enough to Travel
  47. Tom Petty -- Learning to Fly
  48. Wailin' Jennys -- Deeper Well
  49. The White Stripes -- Black Math
  50. Zero 7 -- In the Waiting Line
The above songs replace any previously identified songs.

If you listen to any other songs besides those that appear above until I post the next list, you are very wrong and you should reexamine your life.

Worst Website Ever

Click if you dare, but I warned you!