Saturday, May 12, 2012

My Plan For Cuba

Che Guevara and Fidel Castro invaded Cuba in 1956 to free it from oppression, poverty, hurricanes, tobacco, and people that didn't dress in military uniforms all the time.
In 2012, we can safely say that they failed. Cuba still has oppression, poverty, hurricanes, tobacco, and people that don't dress in military uniforms all the time.
According to Wikipedia (this is where I will be getting all my "facts" for this blog post), Cuba's yearly per capita GDP is $10,000. This is bad. The yearly per capita GDP of the USA (the great Satan according to some Muslims, CNN, and Noam Chomsky) is nearly $50,000. That's nearly 5 times better than Che and Fidel's Cuba.
Cuba is poor. Cubans drive cars that look like they are from the 1950's. There is not a Prius in sight. Cubans regularly flee to the USA in order to escape the "paradise of equality" created by the olive wearing buddies. Escaping people have built an exact copy of Cuba in the Miami area. I hear it's amazing.
Besides the poverty, I think Che would be very happy about these fun things from Cuban life:
  • Numerous human rights abuses including torture, arbitrary imprisonment, unfair trials, and extrajudicial executions.
  • The Human Rights Watch alleges the government "represses nearly all forms of political dissent" and that "Cubans are systematically denied basic rights to free expression, association, assembly, privacy, movement, and due process of law".
  • Cuba had the second-highest number of imprisoned journalists of any nation in 2008.
  • As a result of ownership restrictions, computer ownership rates are among the world's lowest.
  • Connecting to the Internet illegally can lead to a five-year prison sentence. (Hello to Cuban criminals reading this!)
  • Cubans cannot change jobs without government permission.
  • "Guantanamo Baywatch", one of the worst TV shows ever made.

(All of the above was taken from
In light of the above, if you see somebody wearing a Che Guevara shirt, can you punch Che in the mouth as hard as you can for me? Thanks! Fight the power!
Now, suppose a huge asteroid of crazy hit Cuba tomorrow and Cubans everywhere (including the group of complete losers that are in charge of Cuba, Che's grandchildren) decided to try something different, something that would result in less poverty, oppression, people wearing military uniforms (that's something Cuba actually needs to reduce), and less bad stuff in general. What should Cuba do? I, of course, have the answer. You can call me "Che Lange" if you'd like. Maybe some day people everywhere will be wearing shirts with my face on them. That's one of my dreams. Cuba, please help one man realize his dream (and fix your crappy country good at the same time).
One definition of insanity is wearing a Che Guevara t-shirt. Another definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. With that in mind, let's examine the world today for possible ideas for Cuba's future. I think we will all be absolutely shocked at what we'll be forced to conclude. Be prepared to have your every belief shaken to the core.
Instead of linking to articles/sources, I'll just make a list of things that hold the key to Cuba's future. These things are more or less absolutely 100% true.
  • 99% of American's hate rich people for being rich. 1% of Americans are rich and like it.
  • A rich socialist recently got elected Hitler-style in France and he intends to tax rich people out the escargot. Some rich Frenchies are thinking about leaving France to avoid being French anymore.
  • All of the Facebook founders, led by Eduardo Saverin, have renounced their US citizenship to avoid paying US taxes on the billions of dollars that they will make when Facebook IPO's. A lot of people didn't "like" this on Facebook or in real life.
  • Warren Buffett has made a bunch of money. Now that he is old, he wants rich people to pay a painfully high tax rate so that nobody will ever be as rich as he is ever again. He won't shut up about it. It's horrible.
  • All the countries in the world have maxed out their credit cards and widespread Greece-style collapses seem inevitable. Who is going to be expected to pay for this? Rich people.
  • If you die in the USA and you have a lot of money and you don't do tricky things to protect it, the government of the USA comes and takes 1/2 your assets. I guess when you are rich and die it's ok for Uncle Sam to take your stuff, even if you want to do something selfish like leave it to your kids or friends or your favorite waitress or something?
  • Basically every country in the world uses fiat money that is gradually inflated in order to ("in effect") get more tax revenue.
  • Before Che and Fidel "liberated" Cuba, Cuba was a huge vacation destination. Las Vegas was created to replace Cuba when Che and Fidel shut Cuba down. If it wasn't for Che, there would be no Vegas. Thanks for that one thing, Che!
  • Cuba has 2,321 miles of coastline. I'm sure some of those miles are very nice beaches.
  • Cuba is a warm place, even in "winter". People visiting Cuba can wear bikinis and swim trunks. This could be critical for my plan.

So, in light of all this, what should Cuba do? Right now Cuba makes everybody equally poor. Also, Cuba oppresses everybody not wearing a military uniform.
I think the answer is obvious.
As an exercise, those of you playing along at home should write down a solution. Later, compare it with my solution and give yourself a grade.
My answer, my proposal, in one sentence is this: Cuba should commit to respecting individual rights to the fullest extent of any country in the world.
I know. I know. Pretty shocking, right? Che and Fidel got it absolutely 100% wrong and now everybody in Cuba has to drive a 1955 Buick.
What would happen if Cuba implemented my plan (and did it right and the world bought it)?
Lots of things would happen. Here is a partial list in no particular order.
  • A crap ton of rich people would move to Cuba. In Cuba you'll have a "right" to be rich. You won't be despised and scapegoated. You wouldn't be guilted into thinking it's ok for the society to take your property just because you have more property than other people. In Cuba, rich people would have all the rights people are supposed to have and not fewer rights because of wealth. Believe me. That's a big deal.
  • A commitment to individual rights would result in a free country for everybody, even for people who weren't rich. Instead of torture, assigned jobs, arbitrarily bearded leaders, and other bad things, people can do what they want. Cuba would become like America used to be. Wouldn't that be ironic? Don't you think?
  • The Cuban economy would be "different". I'll let you do the math.
  • Cuba would become a great place to vacation. There would be casinos. Drugs would be legal. Beaches everywhere, even inland. Cruise ships would circle the island like vultures. The Che Guevara Museum in Havana would be a place where people could go and laugh until it hurt. It would be awesome.
  • The replica of Cuba near Miami could be shut down and "those people" could move back to Cuba if they wanted to (or not, whatever). Maybe some would just like to visit. That's cool too.
  • Cubans could drive modern cars. Maybe NASCAR could have a race there to celebrate, the Santiago de Cuba 500?
  • Instead of wanting to become a state of the USA, Puerto Rico would start wanting to be a part of Cuba. Cuba would let that happen as long as Puerto Ricans promised to follow the rule about respecting people's rights.
  • The most popular t-shirt in Cuba would become the "Che Lange" and I would get a small cut of the sales for the use of my image. That would make me rich and me and my family would move to Cuba. When I walked the streets people would say things like "Hey, Che!" and "I really like your blog!". I'd become sort of like a Cuban Fonzie.

As you can see, my plan is awesome and so are the expected outcomes, especially that last part. Cuba should do this tomorrow, if not sooner.
¡Viva la RevoluciĆ³n!

Top Tax Rate of 75% in France?

The new socialist leader in France (who is apparently embarrassingly rich himself) plans to set up a top tax rate of 75%.  That totally sounds good, right, and fair.

Most people think it's ok to make money as long as you don't make too much.  If you make too much you are "rich" and you are in a lot of trouble.

Nobody likes the rich.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Don't Worry Because Greece is in Good Hands

I think what he needs to propose is to "soak the rich".  That always works.

And, he's not a communist.  Don't call him that.  He's either a leftist or a socialist.

He wants the government to control "most sectors of the economy".  Good for him.  I'm sure that's for the best.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

"Soak the Rich" in France


Self-described socialists get elected in France and pledge to raise takes on the rich.

The rich think about leaving the country.

Nobody likes the rich.

Warren Buffett Just Needs to Shut Up Already

Go away!  Mind your own business!